the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
