you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
