This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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