Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
