There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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