i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
