Where did you get a picture of my penis
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
