The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
