Swine flu. Run for my life!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
