I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
