My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
