I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
