who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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