I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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