i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
