did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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