Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
