Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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