We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
