I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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