i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
