she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
