i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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