The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
