What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
