walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
