It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
