It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
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I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
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