dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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