"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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