is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
