Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
