tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I AM VODKA MAN
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
