I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
