I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You left your phone here
Wait...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
