I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
