i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
