I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
