the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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