You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
