Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
