ugly people sure do ruin things
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
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a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
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You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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