My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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