the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
