So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
