hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
