Non-Jews are for practice
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize
