i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
