Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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