She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
