At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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