Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
