hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
