My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
