ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
