hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
