he thought i was a dude.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
