remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize