so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
