He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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