her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize