Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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