first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
