Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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