Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
