You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
