the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
