We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
