You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
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As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
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He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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