Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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