Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
