possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
