What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I said "one day" and that day is not today
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize