he shaved USA in his pubs
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
