I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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