i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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