This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Randomize
