Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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