You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
