hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
