The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
